Battle Of The Weasley Pranksters
by hidden armadillo
Summary: I glared at them. They smiled innocently back. "James Potter. Teddy Lupin. I warn you – I will get revenge." And for a second they almost looked scared. Almost.
1. Of Red Hair, Rambling and Arrows

Disclaimer: I don't own anything

Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Which you already knew. Of course.

"Veek-toire! Zey are 'ere! Turn off zat 'orrible mu-zeek, and come down 'ere!"  
Oh great.

The mob has arrived.

Sometimes I envy people with small families.

Right now is one of those times.

You might think I'm being overdramatic.

If so, you obviously haven't met my family, so I'll forgive you for now.

Sure, I love them all, but honestly? I could do without these massive family parties.

I'd be willing to bet all the money I own (which, I admit, isn't really all that much) that this Easter will turn into something hugely problematic and catastrophic.

But it is a Weasley Easter.

What else would you expect?

My bedroom door opens with a loud bang, and a red-headed cousin bounces in.  
"Vicky!" she squeals, and promptly dives at me.

"Lily!" I cry in protest. (You would too, if you had a tiny, squealing Lily hanging off your waist)

I swear that kid is far too enthusiastic.

I've always thought there was something suspicious about her overabundance of energy.

But then again, I'm corrupt, so don't listen to me.

I'm so corrupt that I don't even believe in the Easter Bunny.

It's shocking, I know.

So Lily drags me down the stairs (She's actually pretty strong. On second thoughts maybe I'm just weak…) chatting about Easter and how much chocolate she's going to get.

Personally I think it's dangerous giving Lily chocolate: she's on a permanent high already, and chocolate only makes it worse.

At the bottom of the stairs, Grandma Weasley is waiting.

She has never liked me as much as the others.

If you ask me, its because I'm French.

Actually I've never been to France in my life, but the fact that I speak the language is enough to make me French in her eyes.

And I know she's always been disappointed that her first grandchild didn't have the traditional red hair.

Honestly, I'm part-Veela, it's really not my fault.

"Lily dear! How's my gorgeous grandchild?" and she scoops Lily up and carries her away.

See what I mean?

The lounge room is full of chatting adults sipping butterbeer and firewhisky, with loud children running rampant in their midst.

I really _don't_ want to get stuck in a discussion of my future, because quite frankly that would be sleep-inducingly boring. (Yes I do realise that probably isn't a word, but lets just ignore that fact, okay?)

On the other hand, I could go play with the little kids.

Okay, 'play' isn't the right word.

What I mean is: I could go and be tackled, smothered and just generally attacked by the little kids.

I must say, neither of my options are very appealing.

Luckily for me, I didn't have to choose, because Dominique came over and pulled me onto one of the couches with her.

"Gosh these parties are boring, I mean, there's practically _no-one_ here my age, except for you Victoire, and I suppose Teddy. But I really don't want to be here, Josh asked me to go out with him tonight, but I had to say no because of this stupid family Easter party…"

Sometimes I worry about my sister.

She spends far too much time with boys.

Because of the Veela thing, there are _always_ boys chasing her.

Well actually I suppose you could say the same for me... but I say no to jerks (which is most of them); she doesn't.

"…maybe I could invite him over here! I know it's a family party, but Teddy isn't family either, so do you think anyone would really mind?"

Truthfully, I doubt anyone would notice. That however, is beside the point.

"Dom, you know Daddy would kill him if he- AHHH!!"

A flaming arrow soared through the air and struck the couch beside me.

My skirt was instantly engulfed in bright blue flames.

I (quite understandably, I thought) panicked.

Luckily for me, there were others present who didn't.

"Aguamenti!"

"Victoire, are you okay?"

"What happened?"

"Did it hurt?"

The entire family seemed concerned for my safety (which I assure you was completely unnecessary, since it was totally harmless wizard fire).

Although I did notice one person who did not seem at all anxious about my health.

He was _laughing_.

I took this to mean he was the one who shot the arrow.

James Potter.

Why was I not surprised?

But he wasn't alone.

Teddy Lupin was also trying to conceal a smirk.

I glared at them.

They smiled innocently back. (Well it was attempted innocence…you and I both know they were very very guilty)

"James Potter. Teddy Lupin. I warn you – I will get revenge."

And for a second they almost looked scared.

_Almost_.

A/N: Okay, so that's how the story starts. I will try to make the rest more exciting and longer, so please don't hate me just yet, okay? Well anyway, review, tell me what you think? Thanks.


	2. Of Boards With Wheels, Crashes and Plans

I sat on the couch, contemplating my revenge

I sat on the couch, contemplating my revenge. It had to be something they wouldn't expect. Although, knowing James, he's probably expecting something so strange I'd never even dream of it, so it shouldn't be too hard to surprise him. If I can think of a plan, that is. Unfortunately, I seem to have come across a pranker's block, of sorts. (Yes, like a writer's block, only different.) And Dom's ranting really isn't helping my thoughts much. I need somewhere quiet.

"So then I thought maybe he – Vic? Where are you going?"

I was so shocked that Dom actually noticed me leaving that I failed to answer. That was probably a mistake. If I had invented some ingenious excuse for going (eg. my socks are wet and I need to change them, or I've had a sudden and urgent craving for fried rice) then maybe she wouldn't have told Teddy, and he wouldn't have come looking for me, and I'd never have thought of my plan, and, well, I'll get to that later.

So, I ran out of the crowded living room and pushed outside. I knew where to go. The place that has always been my refuge from my insane family; the shed. It's filled with all sorts of muggle junk that Grandma has confiscated from Granddad, but that makes it a perfect place to hide and think. I sat down on some sort of board with wheels and began the painstaking process of planning. I must have been there for half an hour (and still hadn't come up with anything; genius takes time, people) before the doors burst open to reveal one of the targets of my non-existent prank – Teddy.

"Hey, Victoire? What are you doing?" He sounded suspicious. I don't blame him. I am quite evil, so he should be worried…. (insert evil laugh here).

"Nothing," I replied, with a surprisingly large amount of honesty.

"…right. Well uh, we're starting a game of Quidditch if you wanna come. You need the catching practice," he laughed (more evilly than I EVER do… I think I need to practice that too) and tossed an apple at me. I jumped up to catch it, and (being the flawlessly clumsy person that I am) stepped onto the board with wheels, which slid out from under me and crashed into the wall as I tumbled gracelessly to the ground. Obviously, Teddy found this absolutely hilarious, and so was laughing uncontrollably. I glared at him. Unfortunately, this had no effect at all, so I shoved him out the door and scowled instead at the board. (This had just as little effect, since as a muggle object it was entirely inanimate, although it did make me feel slightly better).

Then it hit me (not literally, for once). A plan. A glorious plan for a prank that would make Teddy and James fear the wonderful Victoire! Okay maybe not, but it was a pretty good idea. Now all I needed were some sleeping pills, one of those muggle things called a screwdriver, and a whole lot of glue…


	3. Of Screwdrivers, Broken Fairies and Bang

Disclaimer: No matter how much I may wish I was J

Disclaimer: No matter how much I may wish I was J.K, I'm unfortunately not. I know you might find that hard to believe, but it's true. Really.

The screwdriver was easy enough, I knew there was one in the shed somewhere, (don't ask how I knew that. If you do, I'll refuse to answer and change the subject to the eating habits of purple unicorns.) and it only took a few minutes to find.

I've often been accused of being a 'girly-girl' (who came up with that name, anyway? Could they not think of a better word to describe a girl than 'girly'? Seriously…) and they are half-right.

I mean, I even got a little upset last time I broke a nail (sure, they grow back, but… it's just bad, okay?) so I'm not exactly the best handyman.

However, I did manage to use the screwdriver to remove the wheels from the board.

Believe me, I've never been prouder of myself.

So that was Step 1 of the Wonderful Plan to Beat Teddy and James and Prove the Unbeatable-ness of Victoire complete.

Next step? The glue.

I needed a plausible excuse for wanting glue, so I ran back up to the house and was immediately swarmed by the children too young to join in the Quidditch game (what can I say, I'm a magnet…).

"Vicky!" They all cried excitedly, and began running circles around my legs.

I grabbed one randomly out of the midst and hoisted her onto my hip.

It was the lovely Lily.

I looked into her innocent, happily chatting face, and was struck with another idea. (Don't you just love how these things appear out of nowhere?)

So I walked up to my bedroom, purposefully going slow enough that the little children could follow me.

I set Lily down just inside the doorway.

"… and then she took my apple, so I ate Albus' and it dribbled all down my shirt!"

"Hey, Lily?" I managed to ask, interrupting her oh-so-intriguing story, "I left something downstairs, just wait here while I go get it?"

She smiled at me.

I knew what she was thinking.

"Sure, Vic."

"I'll be right back."

I slowly climbed the stairs on my return, and put a tentative hand on the doorknob.

It was suspiciously quiet.

I opened the door.

Sitting in the middle of my floor was a cluster of little redheaded cousins.

As I entered, they simultaneously looked up.

Every single one of them was giving me puppy-dog eyes.

It was quite powerful, I assure you.

Lily, sitting in the centre (typically), held something out to me.

It was an ugly fairy sculpture my Aunt Gabrielle had given me last Christmas.

She was now headless, and had only one wing.

To be honest, I was quite pleased.

I had never liked the statue, and my plan was going well.

So I pretended to cry.

"M-my fairy! You… b-broke her…" I sobbed.

The children burst into a cacophonous chorus of apologies.

"S-she's… broken!"

"We'll fix her! We'll get Uncle Bill's sticky glue!"

I looked at them, fake tears still rolling down my cheeks. (I swear, I have never done this before. What could possibly make you think I've had practice?)

"R-r-really?"

Lily and the others nodded as one, and raced out of the room.

I was surprised at how fast they returned, bearing the promised glue.

"Here Vicky! You can put her back together now!" Lily announced.

"We really are sorry, Vicky…" Albus put in.

I wiped my eyes and smiled at them.

"Thankyou. How about you guys go down and see if Grandma has any snack for you?"

They began squealing, and once again left the room.

Step 2 of the plan was complete.

Now for the sleeping pills…

"Grandma?"

"Yes?" I heard the reply coming from the kitchen.

The kitchen is not a place you would like to be while the children are having their snack, because believe me, you are very likely to be trampled.

But I had to go in there.

I held my breath and squeezed in between two children.

"Oh hello dear, would you like something to eat?" Grandma held out a plate of cookies, several of which appeared to have already been sampled by the young ones. (So tempting)

"Uh, no thanks Grandma, I was just wondering if you know where I could find Maman?"

"She's out watching the others play Quidditch. Such a silly game, you know how often people get hurt, but all the boys seem to adore it, and one day someone's going to -"

"Thanks Grandma, I'll just go look for her. Bye!" I broke in. (Don't try to tell me it's rude, I know it is. I'm sure I've told you already that I'm a bad, bad girl. Well, here's some proof. But I bet you would've done the same…yeah, I'm onto you…)

"Oh, bye dear! Tell the others that lunch will be ready in about an hour!"

I ran out the door, following the path through the apple orchard and out to the field behind it.

Unfortunately, just before I managed to reach the field I found my path blocked by none other than the delightful Teddy Lupin.

He was holding a broom.

He smiled, wolfishly.

I knew exactly what he wanted.

"No," I said immediately.

"Why Victoire, not even a hello?" he grinned.

I smiled charmingly. (Sometimes being part-Veela is quite useful…)

"Sorry, I'm in a bit of a hurry, so if you'll excuse me?" I tried to walk forwards, but he didn't move.

"I'm sure you have time for your beloved friend Teddy."

"Actually, no. I need to find Maman…"

"She's busy right now anyway."

"Yeah, right."

"Come on Vic, don't you trust me?" and he gave me that irresistible puppy face.

"Fine. But there is absolutely no way I'm –"

"– gonna ride my broom? Because I think you will."

"No. Not after last time."

"Aww don't be a sook Vic, it wasn't that bad!"

"I split my head open and ended up in hospital for a week!"

"Yeah but this time you know to stay away from anything big… and solid… like brick walls…"

"I don't know if you've noticed Teddy, but I have no control over broomsticks."

"All you have to do is lean!"

"Well maybe I'm bad at leaning."

"Or maybe you're just a chicken."

"I am not!" (I knew this would end badly, but I can't stand being called a chicken. Damn Teddy knows me too well…)

"Prove it! Ride my broom." and he smirked.

He knew he'd won.

"Fine!" and I snatched the broom off him.

I sat on it almost gracefully. (Sitting is something I _can _do.)

But as soon as it began to move, I knew I'd made a huge mistake.

Brooms just do not like me one bit.

I have this theory, you see.

I believe that all the brooms in England have united to get revenge on me for that time I_ accidentally_ set fire to a broom, covered it in James' birthday cake in my attempt to douse it (don't ask how, because I've really no idea…), slammed it in a door and then snapped it in two.

But that's just my opinion.

So anyway, when the broom took off, it was exactly the same as last time; completely out of my control.

It started spinning, flipping and streaking through the trees.

Naturally, I was screaming incredibly loudly. (Girly-girl Victoire takes over again.)

Once again, Teddy was laughing at me.

In fact, he was in tears.

Not tears of distress over my safety, but tears of intense amusement at the scene.

Git.

As I was clinging on for dear life, the broom decided it had had enough of me.

I really don't blame it, I must have been strangling it from how tight I was holding on. (Yes I do know that brooms are not people, but my experiences have taught me to treat them like ones…)

So, the broom flew straight at a tree, at breakneck speed.

I tried to lean left to steer it away, but it was no use, and –

BANG!

We hit. The broom conspiracy had struck again.


	4. Of Headaches Windows and Girly Squealing

My eyes fluttered open and I moaned involuntarily in pain.

"She's awake!" I heard someone call.

It was Teddy's voice. Oh, how I hated him…

"How are you feeling, Vic?" and he was still grinning.

I growled, but this only seemed to make his smile bigger.

"Victoire! Oh my dear, how do you feel?"

Finally, someone who cares.

I contemplated Grandma's question. How did I feel? Well, my head hurt quite a bit, but apart from that the pain was fairly mild. Mostly I just felt a deep desire for revenge…which brings me back to my plan.

Sleeping pills.

"Really I'm fine, Grandma, but I'd really like to rest," I replied.

She patted my head.

"Of course darling, we'll leave you alone until lunch time."

"Do you think I could have some sleeping pills? Because I think it might be hard to get to sleep with this headache…"

I could see Teddy rolling his eyes in the background, but I ignored him. I was busy imagining how fearful he would look when my glorious plan was complete…which reminds me, I should really practice my evil laugh.

Anyway, Grandma handed me the pills and left, dragging Teddy out with her.

(She seemed to realise that he'd love to stay there and laugh at me some more for my latest broom catastrophe).

As the door shut behind them, I mentally congratulated myself on obtaining all the necessary items for my revenge.

Unfortunately now everyone expects me to be asleep, so I was going to have to sneak out.

(It did occur to me that the whole sleeping thing would make a lovely alibi later…).

I climbed out of bed and slid the window open.

"Right. Hello, window. You look very…clean today."

(Yes I did just attempt to compliment an inanimate object in the hopes it wouldn't harm me. Please do not question my sanity.).

"I'm going to try to sneak out of you, so please don't hurt me or break or anything?"

It didn't reply. How very rude.

"Okay, so…here I go…"

I stood on a nearby chair to make it easier to get out, and leaned out of the window.

Note: Never stand on a wheelie chair. They do not stay in one spot.

At this point the chair rolled out from under me, and I tumbled headfirst out the window and onto the ground.

I'm starting to think the brooms have convinced all wheeled objects to join them in their vendetta against me.

Somehow I managed to get up and walk straight (despite the pain in my head, which had obviously just gotten worse. Damn broom. Damn chair.), so I snuck quickly back to the shed, where the wheels I had removed earlier were waiting for me.

I hid them in my shirt (hoping anyone who noticed would blame my sudden weight gain on Grandma's plentiful cooking) and ran back to the house.

Where I promptly realised that I had absolutely no way to get back in.

"Merde," I swore in French.

So I wandered around, muttering darkly to myself and searching for something that might help.

"…will find him…chase with fire-breathing cows…bucket of fat worms…two icicles…"

And then I heard voices. Coming towards me. (Insert suspenseful music here).

So I ran behind the closest big thing I could find; the woodpile.

"…seriously like him? Since when? Wait, why? He's so…smart! I mean…"

This was clearly Dom's voice, as it was talking about boys. As always.

I waited until her interrogation of whichever poor cousin she had chosen this time faded away, and decided that I would just have to move the woodpile under the window so I could climb back through.

This took longer than I thought, but eventually I had a big enough pile of wood assembled.

(After that, I think my muscles might be bigger than James'. He likes to think he's strong, but I almost beat him in an arm wrestle once. He had nightmares about it for weeks.).

I carefully made my way to the top of the pile, and this time I climbed through backwards, feet first.

The floor happened to be further down than I thought, so I landed with a loud thump.

"EEEeee!" a loud, girly squeal filled the room, and I turned to see who I had scared.

"Teddy?!? Hahaha! You squeal like a girl!"

"I do not! I am very manly!"

"You do! Haha!"

And then I realised this wasn't the room I had left, and I was supposed to be asleep.

And so did he.

"Why did you just climb through my window? Weren't you sleeping?"

"I was…but…um…"

There really was no plausible excuse available, so instead I ran for the door.

But Teddy wasn't letting me get away that easily.

He dived at me, and we both fell to the floor. I tried to crawl away, but he grabbed my ankle.

"Let me go!" I yelled.

He yanked me back, ignoring my protests.

I twisted my foot out of his hands and tried to get up.

He wrapped his arms around my waist and dragged me back down.

"I've got you now!" he laughed.

And he was right. He was sitting on me. I was stuck.

"Get off me!" I scowled.

"Nope!" he smirked, "Now tell me why you aren't in bed. And why you came in my window."

"I was sleepwalking."

(It was the first thing that came in my head. And it's sort of believable…maybe…)

"Come on Vic, we're friends."

(I almost laughed at this. I mean, he set me on fire and tried to kill me with a broom! Some friend…)

"You can tell me the truth."

"I was sleepwalking."

"You were clearly awake."

"Let me go, or I'll tell everyone you squeal like a girl!"

He glared at me. That would ruin his precious image. I was a genius.

"You wouldn't."

I grinned.

"Try me."

"I hate you."

"Love you too, Ted. Now, may I go?"

He slowly got off me.

"Fine. But I'm watching you, Victoire…"

"Whatever!" I rolled my eyes and skipped out of the room.

Now. Time to put my glorious plan in action…


	5. Of Lunch, Chess Games and Sweet Revenge

A/N: Sorry for such a long delay, I'm in my last year of school so I'm kinda busy. Anyway, hope you like it!

* * *

I hid the wheels in my room with the glue, and entered the kitchen, acting (quite well, I might add) as though I had just woken up.

"Oh Victoire, how do you feel?" Grandma asked concernedly.

"Much better now that I've had some rest, thanks. Would you like some help with lunch?"

"Would you mind helping me serve?"

"I'd love to."

(Luckily she turned away after this and therefore didn't notice my frightfully evil grin…)

I carried as many bowls of pasta as I could out to the dining room, where my entire family were waiting.

Obviously they hadn't planned on waiting for me to wake up before they ate. I felt rather rejected.

Anyway, I ignored Uncle Ron's demands for me to hurry up, and returned to the kitchen for more meals.

While I was there, I surreptitiously slipped several sleeping pills (try saying that 5 times fast) into two of the bowls, and cunningly ensured they ended up in front of Teddy and James.

Grandma helped me serve the rest, and I sat down beside my cousin Rose, satisfied that my revenge would soon be complete.

I listened to Rose gush about the virtues of the wondrous Scorpius Malfoy (I don't think Uncle Ron will ever forgive her for dating him) and tried to stop myself from glancing over at James and Teddy every two seconds to make sure they were eating all of their pasta, and hadn't noticed anything…special…about it.

I needn't have worried though, as being the boys with bottomless stomachs that we all know they are they both wolfed the whole lot down before I'd even finished half of mine, and had cheerfully started on seconds.

By the end of dessert however they were yawning rather conspicuously and Aunt Ginny laughingly ordered them to go have a rest.

I watched gleefully as they trudged upstairs, muttering.

"Getting old…can't handle one game of quidditch…"

I quietly snuck upstairs, retrieved my wheels and glue, and found Teddy and James had collapsed in a room directly in front of the stairs.

I shut the door so no one would interrupt and spoil my revenge, and then got to work on gluing the wheels to the bottom of the boys' shoes and hands…

I was innocently playing an intense game of chess against Rose (who had clearly inherited her father's skill at the game and therefore had already beaten me three times.) to pass the time while the boys slept.

"Oh look, Lily's shaved the cat!" (Yes, I was attempting to cheat. I'm corrupt, remember?)

Unfortunately Rose isn't that stupid (although knowing my family, Lily shaving the cat is really not that far-fetched) which is probably why she was beating me in the first place.

"I'm sure she did, Victoire. Now, your move."

I frowned and searched in vain for a way out of the death trap my too-smart cousin had deviously ensnared my poor chess pieces in.

It was at this convenient time that the boys happened to wake up.

"Aahhh!" they yelled as they tried to stand up.

My whole family gravitated towards the scene, and the majority of us laughed hysterically as Teddy and James rolled around on wheels, crashing to the floor and struggling to get to their feet.

"Victoire!" James yelled as he hit the wall, "What have you done???"

My lovely Uncle Harry spotted Teddy sliding towards the staircase, and helpfully transformed the stairs into a very steep ramp.

"Harry! Why would you d- AHHHH!" he careened down the ramp and out the door, flying off the veranda directly into the pond with a satisfyingly huge splash.

James soon followed, and together they rose out of the water to march soggily back to the front door.

"This is not over…" Teddy growled, and they glared at me in a manner that was obviously meant to be intimidating, but was rather ruined by the water dripping over their faces.

I smiled sweetly at them, and hi fived Harry.

Revenge. How lovely.

* * *

A/N: Please review? I'd love to know what you thought of it. Oh, and any ideas for James and Teddy's revenge? Let me know! =)


	6. Of Sir Larrikin Purple Face and Jealousy

A/N: This one is quite a bit longer than the rest, so I hope it isn't boring!

After dinner the little children were sent to bed, because apparently (according to the adults…) they were tired.

To me they still looked just as hyperactive as they always are, but hey, what do I know?

As soon as the last red headed child disappeared, Uncle Charlie emerged with an armful of bottles and the adults proceeded to drink themselves silly.

Grandma and Grandpa shook their heads amusedly and headed off to bed like the kids.

Dom grabbed me by the nose and dragged me into a corner.

"Vic! Wouldn't it be fun to get some of the fire whisky?"

I thought this over quickly.

"Perhaps. But we aren't old enough. Maman would tie us up to a blast-ended skrewt under the Whomping Willow if she found out…"

"Don't be such a sook, Vic!"

"But Dom, we –"

"Oh come on, you're such a chicken!"

That damn chicken thing again…

Dom smirks. She knows I have to agree now. Damn little sisters know too much.

"Fine!"

"Yay! Come on, Uncle Charlie will give us some!"

I rolled my eyes and followed her, sneaking past Maman behind the couch and tiptoeing into the kitchen where Charlie was spinning in circles on top of the table, clutching several bottles of fire whisky.

I have no idea how he hadn't fallen off yet.

I forced down laughter and whispered, "Hey, Charlie?"

He stopped spinning and turned to face me.

"I am the dastardly Sir Larrikin Purple Face! Who be you, trespasser? I warn you, if you happen to be one of the evil minions of the Pumpkin King I shall unleash my awesome powers of paper juggling and you will be sorry!"

Dom collapsed in hysterics behind me.

"Um…I am Victoire? Your niece?"

"Ah…the almighty and prevailing Merlin! What service may I do for you?"

"Uh…I…need some fire whisky?"

Charlie threw his bottles at us and somehow Dom managed to catch them before they smashed.

(obviously I didn't even attempt to catch them. We all know how useless that would have been…)

"Go forth and conquer the lands of the higgledy piggledy blue armadillo!" he cried, and tried to squash himself into the cupboard under the sink.

Dom and I escaped towards the front door, but there was someone standing in front of it.

Teddy.

Oh no.

"Oooh, look what we have here…Two little girls, stealing alcohol…I wonder what your mother would say?" he grinned.

Not good.

"Please don't tell on us, Teddy!" Dom begged.

I stayed silent. Dom obviously had more chance of persuading him than me. After all, he had recently sworn to get revenge on me.

"And what will you do for me if I don't tell?"

"We'll share?" Dom offered hopefully.

"Okay," Teddy laughed.

"Veek-toire! Teddy! Domin-eek!" the loud voice rang out and we glanced at each other in alarm.

Maman was coming.

Dom quickly stuffed the bottles of fire whisky into an ornamental vase beside the door.

"There you are!" Maman declared as she glided into the room.

"Yes, here we are," I smiled in a way that was, of course, not suspicious at all.

"The adults are 'eading into the village. We will not be back for a while."

We nodded simultaneously.

"You are to stay 'ere and make sure all the cheel-dren are okay. Ees that clear?"

We nodded again.

Nobody argues with Maman.

She seemed satisfied, and the adults soon departed.

"And now we party," Teddy announced, and ran into the lounge room to put some music on.

Dom fetched the bottles and whispered to me, "You know, Teddy is actually pretty cute…"

I felt this odd sour feeling in my stomach. I had no idea why, so I ignored it.

"Dom, don't be silly, you're just desperate."

"Probably," she laughed, and skipped into the lounge room.

Teddy grabbed a bottle and my hand, and then attempted to drink and dance at the same time.

He was hopeless.

"Oh Teddy, you're a shocking dancer," I laughed at him.

He pouted.

"But don't I look cute?"

I rolled my eyes at him, but Dom giggled.

"Let me teach you, silly," she insisted, and pulled him close to her.

The sour feeling returned to my stomach, and I took a large gulp from my bottle in an attempt to make it go away.

Watching Dom dance with Teddy really wasn't much fun, so I left to find the guitar, taking my new friend, the fire whisky, as company.

I tripped over exactly three and a half objects on my way back.

(I count the statue as only half an object because it had been split into two pieces when James got a hold of a sledgehammer, and Grandma decided to leave it that way because she "liked the artistic effect")

When I eventually got back to the lounge room, my bottle was almost empty.

I sat on the couch and strummed slowly along with the music, singing quietly.

"…and I saw you…in the shadows…that night…"

I looked up at the dancers, just in time to see Dom kiss Teddy flirtatiously on the cheek.

The sour feeling stabbed me harder this time, so I tried to block it out by singing.

"…and I…am prone…to jealou –"

And then I realised, and froze.

The sour feeling.

Jealousy.

I was jealous.

Of Dom.

With Teddy.

With _Teddy_.

Teddy _Lupin_.

I repeated this over and over in my head for a while, but it didn't make sense – it was _Teddy_… – so I stopped thinking completely, and snatched a flower off the table and sang loudly into it like a microphone.

"Ooooh, I saw yoooou! Thaaaaat NIIIIGHT!"

(Yes, me when I'm not thinking at all is rather a scary sight…)

Teddy and Dom cheered me on.

(Clearly they weren't thinking either, or they would have been yelling at me to stop.)

"I'm hungry!" I announced spontaneously, so I dragged them both to the kitchen, where Teddy started a competition based on eating the most nauseating combinations of food we could devise. Dom won easily (that girl can eat anything, even Maman's cooking) and was rewarded by sitting back and relaxing while Teddy and I cleaned up the mess we had made.

Eventually we tumbled into our beds and slept.

I woke up early the next morning with a slight headache, telling myself the jealousy was all because of the alcohol.

(The infinitesimally small, sensible part of my mind kept saying that the jealousy had started before I'd drank anything at all, but I was stubbornly ignoring it.)

I helped Grandma make a mountain of breakfast (the other adults were definitely not feeling well enough to help) which turned out to be only enough to feed Uncle Ron, so we made another mountain for everyone else to share.

By that time, I had almost convinced myself that the jealousy was an alcohol induced figment of my imagination, and resolved to never touch fire whisky again.

But then Teddy walked in and destroyed all my hard work.

His turquoise hair was a mess, and he was rubbing his eyes sleepily.

He also wasn't wearing a shirt.

Somehow I remembered to breathe again before I fainted.

"Morning, Vic!" he cried (impossibly cheerful) and ran at me.

"Hi…" I said, forcing myself to look at his face instead of his chest.

He squished me in a huge hug, took some food and left.

I sat down in a chair weakly.

There was no point in denial now.

I've fallen for Teddy.

Teddy Lupin.

Oh no.

This will not end well.

"Vic!" my cousin Rose called out, invading my recently acquired personal space of despair.

"Yes?"

"We're all going to play truth or dare! You have to play!"

Truth or dare is kind of a tradition in my family.

Knowing I would never get away with not playing, I followed her without arguing to the place where my cousins (and Teddy… Merlin help me…) were seated in a circle.

"Okay James, truth or dare?" Fred asked, even though we all knew what James' answer would be.

"Dare."

"I dare you to feed Lily a whole handful of fizzing whizzbees and lock yourself in a room with her for five minutes!"

James winced, but went to find Lily and the lollies anyway.

We shut him in a room with her, promising to let him out in exactly five minutes

"If you survive…" Fred added.

Lily on fizzing whizzbees is best described as a miniature human rocket on steroids.

Lily's squeals of delight as she shot around the room at hyper speed and James' groans of pain could easily be heard through the door, and I would have pitied him if he wasn't so fundamentally evil.

Poor James looked rather trampled and worn out when he was set free, but he grinned evilly (see, I told you not to pity him) when we returned to the circle, and stared straight at…me.

Lovely.

"So, Vic. Truth or dare?"

Usually I would say dare, to prove that I am not a chicken and can in fact take on the Weasley family's best pranksters and win.

However, he and Teddy were currently still plotting revenge against me.

"Truth."

He looked faintly disappointed for a moment. Until Dom whispered something in his ear, that is.

"Who do you have a crush on?" he asked.

Oh dear.

Teddy.

I can't tell them that.

No way.

I glanced over at Teddy, and he looked very interested in my answer.

No way.

"I can't tell you," I muttered unhappily, knowing what came next.

"Then you have to do a dare!" he crowed gleefully, winking at Teddy.

In that moment I realised I was doomed.

"Go hide in that room," and he pointed to a small door just down the hallway.

Confused, I obeyed, stepping into the room and closing the door behind me.

It clicked shut ominously.

I turned around, wondering what could possibly be so horrible about this room.

And then it dawned on me.

This was a broom cupboard.

It was full of brooms.

Oh Merlin save me.

"Aaaah!!!" I screamed in terror as they suddenly began swirling around me, battering me from all angles.

Several brooms swept me off my feet and flew me straight into the small window.

"Ouuuch!" I yelped in pain as the shattered glass cut into my skin.

The brooms flew me higher and higher into the sky.

Screaming as loud as possible I tried not to look down, (its always impossible to not look at things you're trying not to see) but I did anyway, and saw a tiny person sprinting along the field underneath me.

"HELPPPP!" I yelled as the brooms started bucking and rolling and hitting me.

I held on as long as I could but the brooms flipped me off and I tumbled down…down…down…

"AAAHHHH!" I shrieked in terror as I plummeted towards the hard ground.

"Arresto momentum!" the person below me shouted, and somehow I slowed down just before I hit the ground.

I lay there, shaking in fear as the person ran up to me.

"Oh Merlin Victoire, I am so sorry! Are you hurt? I'm sorry, that wasn't supposed to happen! Say something?"

"I could have died, Teddy…" I choked out.

He pulled me into his arms and held me tight.

"I know. I-I thought you were going to, for a moment…"

I tried to smile.

"Aww, I thought you didn't care."

He looked down at me in a very odd way.

"But I…I do, Vic."

And he was utterly serious.

At this point, my stomach started fluttering and I completely forgot that I had just fallen about 50 feet and almost died.

"You do?" I asked, just to be sure.

His face was very close to mine, and I was finding it hard to breathe.

"Yes," he whispered, "I care. I always have. I…I think I…maybe I even –"

"Victoire!" James yelled as he thundered towards us, "You right?"

"Yes," I smiled at him, as Teddy lifted me up and began carrying me back towards the house.

But I wasn't paying attention to James (or I might have screamed at him for helping to almost kill me), I was too busy hoping Teddy had been about to say what I wanted him to say.

"Look Vic," James continued, "I'm sorry about what happened. Maybe we should just call it even?"

I agreed, but only because at that moment I couldn't think of a suitable payback that wouldn't get me into Azkaban. Or Maman's bad books. (Trust me, the second option is worse.)

"Actually I have a plan…" I told them, "But we'll have to work together."

They listened eagerly as I shared my glorious, spur of the moment concoction, and we returned to the house to prepare…and to eat, because it was almost lunchtime.

A/N: Please review! Even if you hate it! =)


	7. Of Child Labour, Traitors and Late Swims

Teddy carried me through the front door (this caused several knowing glances to be thrown our way, as my family are well known for their matchmaking endeavours) with James following closely behind, identical determined looks on each of our faces.

James ran straight to the kitchen to stock up on food, and we concealed ourselves in an upstairs room to thoroughly plan our masterpiece.

Several intense hours later we had created a long list of every item we would need. Unfortunately, this meant we had a lot of collecting to do, and suddenly we all felt very lazy.  
"We can't go looking for all that stuff," James declared firmly, "It would take us all day, and we won't be ready in time!"

He was right, for a change.

"We don't need to," I grinned happily. (Teddy and James looked amazed that I had come up with something. Again. You can tell I'm not exactly known for being the brains of the family…)

"Teddy can just summon them all!" James suggested. (I think he felt threatened by the lack of the dumb blonde behaviour he was used to from me…)

But Teddy just laughed.

"Somehow I think it would look a little odd if all these objects started flying around the house…"

I rolled my eyes.

"Luckily for you boys, I'm smarter than you!"

They both glared at me, so I smiled at them as sweetly as I could.

"We will start a scavenger hunt for all the little kids. Whoever brings us all these things first wins. _And _the adults will love us for amusing the kids for a while!"

The two boys grudgingly admitted my superiority, and we headed back down to the kitchen to find a reward for the winner.

However, our search was destined to be fruitless, for as we should have realised, the large congregation of sugar-loving little children had already cleaned out the house's supply of treats.

"Damn," we moaned simultaneously at the sight of the purely healthy contents of the kitchen.

A trip to the closest village was quickly factored into the plan (I'm not sure how we managed to drag ourselves all the way to the village and back when we were too lazy to even collect the items ourselves, but somehow we did…)

Several bruises, blushes and wrong turns later, we ended up back at the house with a bag full of lollies.

Now, I have this theory that children have some kind of inbuilt magnet that magically pulls them towards the largest source of sugar in the immediate vicinity.

Can you guess what that source was at the moment?

Of course it happened to be us, and our big bag of wonders.

Cue the stampede.

"Vickyyyyy! Teddyyyyyy! JAMESSSS!"

We did what we had been taught to do in case of flood: run for higher ground.

Or, well, climb a tree.

"Genius plan, Victoire…" James muttered mutinously from our position on the highest stable branch.

I pretended to push him, and he (being the scaredy cat that we all know he is deep down) gripped the branch very tightly and kindly refrained from mocking my amazing plan any further.

I snatched the lolly bag from Teddy (who was staring at me as if I was some mad Veela about to push them both to inevitable doom either by falling or consumption by sugar-crazed children), and dangled it just out of reach of the children.

"Vicky, pleassssse give us the lollies?" Lily begged with almost irresistible puppy eyes.

"Here is the deal, Lily," I declared loudly (averting my eyes just I case I succumbed – contrary to popular belief, I _do _have a heart), "We are having a treasure hunt. If you find these first-" I showed them the paper with pictures of our required objects, "you can have the lollies. Okay?"

This proposition was followed by much squealing, and the children instantly vanished with the list.

I turned back to James and Teddy with a very smug look on my face (don't judge me…) and awaited their grudging apologies.

Ahh, how I love victory.

We waited (impatiently, like true Weasleys) in the sitting room, and to fill in time Teddy tied the lolly bag to the old ceiling fan.

Have you ever tried to catch a bag spinning unbelievably fast on a magically enhanced ceiling fan?

No? That's because it is an activity usually accompanied by the caption: "Now kids, don't try this at home…"

Unless of course you have:

A death wish.

An evil twin who regularly takes control of your mind and body.

About as much sense as Uncle Charlie with alcohol.

All of the above.

I'd like to think none of the above apply to me, but I can't deny that anyone watching me run around in circles after the lolly bag would leave with no doubts that I am in fact, clinically insane and destined for the loony bin.

But look on the bright side: if I commit a murder or some other heinous-but-unavoidable-with-a-family-like-mine crime, I can plead insanity and hopefully get a slightly less horrid sentence.

Now that is something to look forward to.

The children eventually returned, carrying all the items above their heads as if they were rock stars crowd surfing, and our master plan was officially back on track.

We hid our newly acquired stash in my bedroom, and exchanged looks of mutual satisfaction and pride…before mine changed to one of utmost horror, upon realising I was now voluntarily in cahoots with the enemy.

Oh well, we've already established I'm corrupt, might as well add 'traitor' to my reputation as well.

"And now, we wait," Teddy grinned.

But James scoffed at this preposterous suggestion.

"No Teddy. And now we _eat_."

So I have yet another theory. I think the reason boys are always eating is because they each have a little parasitic devil inside of them that eats half the food they eat. It would also explain why boys are supposedly horrible even to girls they like. All the work of the devil, I tell you.

"Veektoire! Teddeee! _James!_" Maman's distinct voice practically shook the house.

We raced downstairs (I think we may have even beat my personal get-to-Maman-right-now best time) and stood to attention in front of her.

"What have you been up to?" she asked with heavy suspicion.

"Oh, just a friendly game of truth or dare," Teddy replied, sounding far too jolly even to me.

"Hmm," Maman frowned, and swirled off.

James quickly disappeared into the kitchen to beg for food, and Teddy turned to me with a vaguely cheeky smile.

"What…?" I queried distrustfully (Just because we seem to be working on the same team at the moment does not mean I trust him. Last time I did that, I ended up hanging upside down from a flag pole. Yeah, I learned my lesson pretty quickly after that…Do. Not. Trust. Teddy. _Ever._)

"Remember that old beach nearby we used to swim at?"

I actually smiled at something he said.

Shoot me now.

Although to be fair, the smile may have been caused by the image of Teddy swimming shirtless that just popped into my head.

Oh Merlin, that's even worse.

At this point I realised I hadn't answered and Teddy (who had his shirt _on_, I might add) was looking at me like I was a vampire who hadn't eaten for 48 hours and had just seen fresh blood.

"Yes, I remember…"

"Let's go there!"

"Now?"

"No, ten years ago…"

"We did…?"

"Vic! Of course I mean now!"

And he had the nerve to roll his eyes at me.

Git.

Just because my sarcasm radar is currently undergoing a scheduled upgrade and is therefore temporarily unusable...

He seemed to decide that my consent was optional, and instead of waiting for a reply, simply dragged me forcefully outside.

Note to self: You are such a pushover.

"Teddy! We have no swimmers! And we didn't ask permission!"

Personally, I was shocked at his audacity.

Teddy-Head Boy-material-Lupin should not be behaving so irresponsibly.

That was my job.

He stopped running for a second, and turned my face towards his. (See, Victoire? More evidence of pushover behaviour! You are becoming a doormat!)

"Victoire. Let's have fun. Just let go…" he whispered.

Or that's what I think he said, anyway.

To be honest I was feeling shamefully intoxicated by his breath on my face, and those soft brown eyes, staring into mine…

Shake it off, Victoire.

This is Teddy, remember?

I simply smiled (possibly because I was a little too dizzy to form a coherent sentence, but don't tell Teddy that…) and nodded.

He seemed satisfied with that response, thank Merlin.

"Race you the rest of the way?" he challenged.

"You're on, Lupin!"

And so we raced, laughing uncontrollably like the children we are at heart, to the beach.

I won, of course.

No really, I did.

But then Teddy pushed me in the water and proceeded to strip down to his underwear, at which point I tried my best not to look while Silly-Victoire (let's call her Gabriella) squealed incessantly at the sight and caused my knees to give way slightly.

Luckily I was in the water, so I didn't fall. Much.

I removed my sopping wet dress (Teddy surprisingly averted his eyes like a gentleman) and we lay side by side on the sand as the sun hovered just above the horizon, casting a beautiful mellow orange and pink radiance onto everything.

Teddy's face almost seemed to be glowing as he rolled over to face me.

"Tonight's the night, Victoire. Tonight we finish our plan."

I smiled gently as his forehead softly touched mine.

"And tomorrow morning: victory…"

A/N: So very sorry I have taken so long to update! The next chapter will be the last though, almost finished! =)


	8. Of Kisses, the Easter Bunny and the End

Faint whispering in my ear woke me up, and I opened my eyes slowly to figure out why my alarm wasn't beeping obnoxiously at me.

Before my brain had begun working completely again the breath tickling my ear became too much, so I swung a fist in the general direction of the annoyance.

This resulted in a rather satisfying yelp of pain.

(Please note that the last time someone woke me up they ended up with their feet turned backwards and a bad case of unicorn pox, so this behaviour was reasonable by my usual standards...).

Unfortunately my oddly-behaving-alarm-clock started to complain, so I gave up on sleep entirely and opened my eyes.

To see Teddy Lupin's beautifully stormy grey eyes glaring at me only two inches from my face.

I found myself gazing helplessly into their grey depths, leaning towards him...closer...closer...wait, what am I doing?

Merlin I need to stop being so close to him.

"How dare you wake me up?" I practically yelled to cover up my sudden embarrassment.

"Shhh Vic! We don't want to wake up the others!" he whispered furiously.

"I don't want to be awake either, but that didn't stop you from getting me up!"

"Vic be quiet! Remember our plan? We can't be caught!"

I really wasn't listening though, so I continued to rant.

Teddy seemed to realise I wasn't going to stop anytime soon (it isn't my fault, in the morning I'm just about as reasonable as a one legged leprechaun stuck in a volcano) so he put his hand over my mouth to muffle the noise.

Wrong choice, Lupin.

Of course, I bit him.

"Ouch!" he cried, somehow managing to still stay relatively quiet.

"Well that's what happens when you half smother me to death! How do you expect me to breathe with your giant hand coveri – "

And he kissed me.

For one sweet, heavenly second, I was kissing Teddy Lupin.

And it was perfect, it was dazzling, it was... over.

He pulled away with the biggest smirk I have ever seen across his face (that is saying something, considering my family is made up of smirking, pranking, marauders) and winked at me.

Yes, you heard me right.

He winked.

Git!

"And _that_ is how you render a girl speechless," he gloated.

"You horrid, awful, preposterously outrageously conceited **git**!"

"Aww what's wrong, Vicky, you enjoyed it too much? You wish I'd meant it, don't you?" he teased.

"Don't flatter yourself, Lupin. Your kisses are... dreary at best. Besides, we both know that making me quiet was just an excuse to kiss me. You've been dying to do that for years, haven't you?"

He paused for just a moment before replying, and I could have sworn in that instant there was something serious in his eyes.

Then again, there is an 83% chance that's just wishful thinking on my behalf.

He laughed quietly and derisively, squeezing my cheeks like I was three years old.

Oh yes Victoire, he has feelings for you for sure. (For all you non-hopelessly-cynical people, I say that with utmost sarcasm.)

We collected James and the hidden items necessary to implement our plan, and worked as tirelessly as house elves (Aunt Hermione would be so proud...) to finish our work before the household awoke.

As we raced back to our beds as if we were innocent little children and had done nothing, Teddy winked at me again.

This time I kind of liked it.

Several hours later I woke up for the second time today, but this time it was to a lovely symphony of uncontrollable laughter and yells.

The show had begun.

The household gathered at the source of the noise, to see the Easter Bunny trip on a thin wire and tumble down the stairs, which were now covered in sponges dipped in red paint.

He stumbled to his feet at the bottom (now looking quite rosy) amid shouts of laughter from all the children (and their uncles...), only to step on a rug that happened to have a layer of marbles hiding underneath.

His feet shot out from under him, and once again he found himself on the floor.

"Ooof!" the poor bunny cried, standing up once again, only to stagger into a section of corridor entirely filled with balloons.

As he forced his way through, many of the balloons popped with loud bangs, and filled the air with a mixture of flour and sparkles.

This stuck to the bunny's now painted fur (it looked quite pretty too, in my opinion) and made it impossible to see, meaning he walked right into the swirling water-soaked sheets tied to the ceiling fan.

The bunny was immediately twisted up by the sheets and forced to spin with them, round...

and round,

and round...

He eventually managed to struggle his way out and consequently walked into an ambush.

The garden gnomes lying in wait (who had been bribed with large quantities of plant roots and Every Flavour Beans) bombarded the Easter Bunny with freshly chopped raw onions as he ran past.

Onion tears quickly followed this, and in his efforts to escape, the bunny hurried through the door to the kitchen.

As he pulled the door open, a cup of Grandma Weasley's favourite perfume rigged to the door emptied itself over his head.

At this point the Easter Bunny collapsed on the kitchen floor, and pulled off its head to reveal... Uncle Charlie.

"Who did this?" he yelled, as Maman (looking very unamused) waved her wand imperiously, clearing a path to the kitchen.

"It was clearly the work of a genius," James grinned.

"You little terror!" he cried, and began chasing James in laps around the kitchen table.

"I don't know Charlie, I reckon the sparkles suit you," Uncle Harry laughed.

I attempted to conceal my smirk, and tried not to look at Teddy to avoid bursting into wild laughter. (You would too, if Uncle Charlie was going to cover you in shiny gold sequins and leave you in a deep pit full of nifflers...)

"Yes, the sparkles make your gorgeous eyes shine like stars," Uncle George fluttered his eyelashes mockingly with an impressively huge grin.

"I'm going to smell like a lady for weeks..." Charlie pouted.

Every grand prank is followed by an equally grand punishment, so Teddy and I (James had been excused as he was now completely blue. Uncle Charlie dumped a tub of dye on him when he finally caught him, so Maman and Grandma were currently scrubbing his skin raw in an attempt to return him to his normal colour) spent that night attempting to wash the gigantic pile of dishes that covered every flat surface in the entire kitchen (I'm pretty sure at least half of those dishes were from Uncle Ron alone).

"You know, if we just smashed the rest of these dishes on the floor, we wouldn't have to clean them," Teddy suggested, "We could say that Lily ate too much sugar again and went a little crazy in here?"

I rolled my eyes.

"Of course you're trying to think of a way out of this. You are so lazy..."

"That's not what you were saying last night," he grinned.

"Well, last night you were helping me pull off an awesome prank. But now...the truce is off."

I flicked some soapy bubbles at him.

"Are you sure you want to do that?" he asked "I'm a pretty formidable enemy..."

"Do your worst."

"Aaahhhh!" I squealed as he splashed water into my face.

"You asked for it," he grinned.

So I grabbed the big salad bowl and tipped water over his precious blue head.

However, I hadn't thought about the fact that he was wearing a white t-shirt.

Which, of course, was now very transparent and very much stuck to his well muscled body...

Oh Merlin, I never learn.

I gulped a little too loudly, and his grin only got wider.

"Oh how terrible, my shirt is soaked through... whatever will I do?" and he slowly removed it.

I took a step towards him.

"So what?" and somehow I managed to keep my eyes fixed on his as I raised my eyebrows.

He didn't bother replying.

All of a sudden his lips were on mine again, and this time it was passionate and heated.

His hands gripped my waist and neck tightly, and mine were tangled in that wet blue hair.

He stopped for a moment, to whisper in my ear.

"You were right, you know. I fell for you years ago... truce?"

"For now."

A/N: Aaaand, it is finally finished! Please, tell me your opinions of it? Thankyou to anyone who managed to read the entire thing (and put up with me taking so long to update...I'm sorry!) you're amazing and I love you =)


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